the kiehm

Just watched this presentation, by Mike Volpe, CMO at Hubspot, this weekend:

Clearly the title caught my attention since this is what I do every day. I don't like to associate what I do with "killing cute little kittens", but I get it. Disruptive marketing is just outright disruptive. It's annoying for me so why wouldn't it be annoying for anyone else?

But the difference is, I am very transparent about what I'm interested in when engaging certain brands, and I feel I can do so because there's a mutual agreement between me and various brands. Engage with me in a meaningful way or I'll let you know when I've had enough (unsubscribe, opt-out, tweet a complaint, send an email, etc. whatever it takes to stop the harrassment). 

One lead generation program in particular really set me off a few months ago. I received an invitation to participate in an online survey for marketers. I thought, "Sure, why not help my fellow marketer and give my two cents." Immediately after I completed it, I received a call from the receptionist. "No, I don't have a scheduled call with this person... please send to voicemail." 

I received the voicemail and the handful of emails - thanks, but no thanks, I really don't need your product. Really. 

This person proceeds to call in to customer service, lying about a scheduled call, then when that didn't work they called the sales line. Of course the sales rep didn't give a damn about whether I wanted to take the call or not, she just needed to get back to what she was doing so she tranferred the call. 

I answer the call, utterly annoyed, and he reads off of a script. I stopped him and said, "Do you really think I'll be receptive to your message after you weasled your way into a call with me, lying to my colleagues and harassing me for 2 days straight?" 

He said, "Well, maybe you should have thought about that before completing our survey."

Wow. 

He blamed me for this god-awful experience.

I get it - no one wants to be bothered with irrelevant messaging. But the problem is, the fish we want to "catch" don't kick-it in the same pond as the rest of the connected world. I would love to meet another marketer who has successfully integrated top notch content and campaign strategy that engages 50+ year old blue collar men. Show me how you get this demographic to fill out a form for an e-book, follow us on Twitter, like us on Facebook, engage on a Google+ Hangout... I'll love you forever.

Every conversation I have with industry leaders ends with this:

"Well, you gotta do what you gotta do in this case." <shrug>

Can I call BS on this please?

It's really puzzling to me when I'm speaking with someone - whether in meetings or out networking - and there's so much more effort spent making and countering assumptions than actually listening to what's being said. There's a lot of "But if you think..." or "I'm sure you want..." and so on.

What does this accomplish? I guess this is a sign of insecurity... ?? Regardless of why, it's extremely counter-productive. What happens as a result is that I'm busy trying to reiterate what I just said and then it comes across confrontational or aggressive.

Then there's more of the... "No, that's not what I meant" or "All I'm trying to say is..." and then the conversation never ends well. 

It's... awkward. 

And pretty annoying.

I'm sure you've experienced this at some point. Sometimes what you say is not personal when your only goal is to solve the problem at hand - but the person you're speaking with values approval or validation more than meeting a common end goal. 

This excert from hbr.org's "Difficult Conversations: Nine Common Mistakes" summarizes this dynamic well.

Mistake #8: We make assumptions about our counterpart's intentions.

Optimists tend to assume that every disagreement is just a misunderstanding between two well-intentioned people; pessimists may feel that differences of opinion are actually ill-intentioned attacks. In the fog of a hard talk, we tend to forget that we don't have access to anyone's intentions but our own. Remember that you and your counterpart are both dealing with this ambiguity. If you get stuck, a handy phrase to remember is, "I'm realizing as we talk that I don't fully understand how you see this problem." Admitting what you don't know can be a powerful way to get a conversation back on track.

Time is precious - and if we can agree to be better communicators for the sake of time efficiency, we'd all feel much more accomplished at the end of the day.

Writing a resume for me is one of the most difficult things to do.  To be honest, I feel like it's such an inaccurate representation of who I am professionally, and it sure as hell doesn't capture my personality.

Sure, I have skills that can be developed, I'm intelligent enough to comprehend pretty much any "how-to" PDF or video that's out there to get the job done - but just because I can, it doesn't necessarily mean I want to.  Perhaps I'm selfish, stubborn, or even lazy.  Bottom line is, after living most of my life working my ass off to make ends meet or to somehow lessen a heavy burden on a single mother I adore (most of the time), if I'm given a choice as to how or where or with whom I exert my effort and talent, I make sure it's meaningful.

I may not have time for everything or everyone, but what I would do for my friends, family, and a great idea, can't really be calculated or accurately conveyed on a resume.

I recently read an article from hbr.org that described how invaluable it is to have resilience.  My life has been a never-ending roller coaster ride.  Why do I love Hawaii so much?  From the moment I was born in Honolulu, I was loved and cared for by my family unconditionally and blissfully unaware of conflict for a total of 4 straight years!  Then, we moved across oceans, from apartment to apartment, from one state to another, finally settling down in Atlanta, Georgia.  Since Hawaii, I've never lived in one home for more than 2 years.

And.. I just spent 10 minutes recalling each home I've lived in, and I'm surprised to say that I am living in my 22nd home.  Should I dare count how many jobs I've had since I started working as an 11-year-old cashier on weekends at the retail stores my mom managed?  Omg, my brain hurts.

What does this do to a person?  It makes him or her resilient.

These last few months are a perfect example of the kind of "luck" I've had my entire life.  It's always something upsetting and terrible that happens followed by a suspiciously positive outcome.  Last Thursday, the apartment building located literally on the other side of my bedroom wall (not attached) went up in flames and is now a pile of rubble.  I watched it burn, and was ready to accept that my apartment would be next.  But not even a week later, I'm comfortably sitting on my couch, in my first apartment on my own (with no roommates), listening to my music, writing up this blog post.

Another example?  Sure!

After getting rear-ended almost 2 months ago, I've struggled with neck/back pain, car repairs taking a month, but the settlement paid for the very nice MacBook Pro I'm using right now, which was luckily about 33% off the normal retail price.  Then, just last Saturday, I backed up into a pole in an apartment parking deck, total damage costing about 2 G's.  What may seem like a typical careless accident was actually different due to the unique context.  The passenger in my car when all this went down was a certain someone who successfully kept me interested longer than most... We had just met and were trying to coordinate late night chow time, and ended up in his parking deck to guide his carpool of friends to their cars.

He told me to sit tight, and he'd be right back.  I was ready to bail... I wanted to crawl under my covers, fall asleep, and never wake up to face this level of embarrassment.  That didn't happen.  Instead, this lovely individual came back and consoled me with stories of his own mistakes... the kind of accidents that resulted from a split second of misjudgment.  Over tea, hummus, and pita I resolved to move on and be thankful that no one was hurt, I didn't get a DUI, and I didn't hit another parked car (Not to mention the nice warm feelings associated with this certain someone... ).

Having been through much worse than what I just described, I'm slightly indifferent.  I shrug my shoulders, smile, and move on.  I remember when I took these things personally, and I was miserable because I kept wanting to find some relief and escape from chaos, misfortune, and tiresome work.  Now, I wouldn't dare escape from what I have going on in my life because there's meaning in my relationships, my endeavors, as well as my struggles.

To close, a quote...

"As we see, the priority stays with creatively changing the situation that causes us to suffer. But the superiority goes to the 'know-how to suffer,' if need be. . ."  -Victor Frankl